There’s always something new to learn about one’s partner even after having been together for 10 or more years! This gives rise to hope – even more so when one feels in a rut and habits rule everyday life.
On misunderstandings and the unspoken
When a couple says, ‘We don’t communicate anymore.’, I respond with, “Yes, you’re actually communicating wordlessly right now – that’s quite common and normal”. Some couples, though, wind up barely speaking to each other at all when difficult issues occur – in order to avoid the pain or discomfort they assume would come up, if spoken out aloud. The subsequent consequences of not being able to reveal one’s thoughts are felt rather intensely. Both sides are usually affected by this. After encouraging the couple into speaking honestly and articulating concerns frankly, they quickly alter attitudes and perspective from which new ideas arise. I dare to say that the “magic” starts to happen at this point. My work with couples is a mixture of sex education and Differentation Therapy, raising the conscious awareness of oneself and of the partner’s behaviors.
No force of habit!
In most cases, however, changing one’s habits and behavioral patterns require some effort and endurance – that’s how our brain works! With a bit of a “sparkle” and a good sense of humor, every couple can get somewhere – even more so when both parties see eye to eye.
Typical male? Typical female?
A good approach to sexuality can be learned, as can meaningful communication between partners. Gender-specific differences may be regarded as a burden – they can be annoying and provoking. With my clients, I therefore practice with them how to acknowledge the distinction between the two opposite sexes, and I explain how using these distinctions (and even learning to love them) can make a relationship more meaningful and diverse. Concerning this, not every man or woman (or others) live and feel as the ‘typical’ of any sex. Most people show degrees of both genders and many of these differences are culturally learned social skills – not inborn.
Taken from real life
You may have one or more issues yourself. Below is a list of topics which clients have repeatedly addressed in my practice:
– Making the partner laugh again
– Rekindling mutual happiness
– Learning to talk about sexuality and intimacy
– Finally have exciting sex again …
– … or just have sex.
– Conversations have become superficial …
– … or desire for sex has disappeared
– Libido: re-discover, re-invent, re-encounter
– Recognizing boundaries, taboos and bans
– Sexual diversity / Potential / Ecstasy
– Open-mindedness to yearnings, desires, sex drives
– Is SHE familiar with HIS or HERS desires?
– Is HE familiar with HER or HIS desires?
– Support in discovering and developing personal sexual identity
– Lack of interaction: She moans, he withdraws. (She: “I am so furious”)
– Still arguing, but differently!
– Lovesickness – the way out of lovesickness
– Jealousy and power
– Adultery. Admitt or lie? Where do we go from here?
– Partnership vs. parenthood (“Everything’s changed since the birth of our first child.”)
– Premature orgasm
– Erectile dysfunction, impotence, and low desire disorder
– Trouble having orgasm (“I never had an orgasm … I think …”)
– Pain during sexual intercourse
– Good first-time sex. What‘s important?